Adopting Faith: Patrick and Ryan’s Story

By Patrick Burton and Ryan Lassen

I was raised in the Southern Baptist faith and graduated from Baylor University, but I knew long ago that my sexuality would not be accepted or affirmed in many churches, or so I thought. As for Ryan, he attended a Bible church with his family when he was growing up. After we were married, we rarely attended church because neither of us found a church where we connected.

We both share a love for live music and attended several Tower Arts concerts as well as Easter and Christmas Eve services at Highland Park United Methodist Church. While we were nervous about a gay couple attending HPUMC together, the big services and concerts seemed like an easy way to “test” the environment and gauge how we felt together at the church.

Something else about us—Ryan and I always knew we wanted to be parents. After meeting in 2010 and getting married in 2014, we knew we wanted to adopt a child. We knew this wouldn’t be an easy or quick process, but we had no idea what type of journey we were getting ready to go on.

We signed up with an agency, had visits from social workers, completed background screenings, parenting classes, and numerous calls with prospective birthmothers. We waited, prayed, and then waited some more. At last, we were connected to a birthmother who delivered a newborn boy who was placed in our care in preparation for adoption. The journey didn’t go as planned and we had to temporarily relocate to snowy, rural Wisconsin.

Over the next three months, we were caring for the newborn boy, figuring out how to be parents, and holding down our jobs remotely. Sadly, after an overwhelming legal battle, our adoption journey failed and we ended up returning the baby to his mother who was, unfortunately, not ready to be a parent yet.

That final day on our way to her home, we stopped by a small United Methodist Church where the pastor met us, prayed with us, and blessed the child who had been in our care since his birth. I knew then that God led us to that church that day, and He would lead us to a church where our future family would be welcomed and cared for.

As we returned home to Texas, we struggled to make sense of this turn of events. We were heartbroken, angry, and questioned: “why?” To us, it made sense to take a break from our adoption journey and it was hard to even go to church. But as time passed, we both still knew that we wanted to share our lives with a child, and eventually, we were connected to a new birthmother. This time our experience was much different, and we were soon blessed to be able to adopt a beautiful baby girl, Avery.

Avery was an amazing blessing for us and our families. We were fortunate to have so much extended family around to support and love us, but we knew we still needed more help. We started visiting church daycare programs and were initially nervous about what the schools might think about a “two-dad” family. But we were welcomed with open arms at many programs, including at HPUMC Day School.

We also begin visiting Highland Park United Methodist Church more frequently, as we knew we wanted our daughter to be raised in a Christian environment. On our first Sunday, we ventured into the nursery area and were greeted by so many smiling faces. We were quickly registered and shown to the infant room, where we instantly felt at ease as we delivered our daughter into the arms of a loving grandmother who assured us Avery would be well cared for until we returned. Throughout our experience, the staff, and volunteers, especially in the childcare area, treated us just like any other parent and made us feel welcomed and “at home.” Based on our experience, when your family isn’t outwardly like the others, it is not uncommon to wonder how you and your family will be treated.

One afternoon after attending Starting Point, Ryan happened to talk with two of HP’s pastors regarding the United Methodist Church, the Book of Discipline, and the church’s position on homosexuality. He had always heard Senior Pastor Rev. Paul Rasmussen start every Sunday saying, “All are welcome, and we want to draw you closer to Christ.” He wondered if that really applied to our family and shared with the pastors that we were both concerned about whether the church would welcome a same-sex family. Could Avery be baptized? Would we be turned away?

The pastors listened and reassured us that our family was welcome at the church, and they would be honored to baptize Avery. It was the first time as an adult that Ryan was willing to give the church a try again. Avery was baptized later that year and the outpouring of support from the church family was incredible.

Today, our family regularly participates in the life of a very active church. From family events, parenting classes, Sunday school, and even Kids Choir, we have developed strong bonds with our HPUMC family. Our most successful connection is the small group that we joined with several other couples. These new friendships are allowing all of us to share life’s challenges and celebrations while supporting each other and growing in our faith.

There has been a lot in the news recently about the Methodist denomination and the exclusionary LGBTQ language in the Book of Discipline. We will continue to hope, pray, advocate and educate for acceptance in our denomination. Today though, we simply wanted to share our story of Adoption of Faith and to let others know that we’ve found HPUMC to be a place where all people and all families are welcomed and embraced.