After hours of laboring without success and Max’s heart rate dropping, I was rushed into an operating room for a cesarean delivery. As they rolled me into the OR and prepped me for surgery, I remember being terrified. There was a small army of doctors and nurses hurriedly buzzing around, machines were beeping, and I was placed on the operating table — I have never felt more vulnerable in my life.
As I lay there, I repeatedly prayed, God, please help. The outcome of labor I had joyfully been anticipating for nine months didn’t feel so certain anymore. At one point, I felt so overwhelmed that I turned my head to avoid the bright lights above me. As I did, I noticed my arms were stretched out on either side, and I thought of Easter.
I remembered that Jesus knew this type of vulnerability.
Jesus’ arms were outstretched on the cross nearly 2,000 years ago, and he faced anguish that far outweighed my experience. Jesus was stripped of control, laid bare on the cross, and exposed. His body was beaten and scarred to the point of death. Not only was it the darkest moment of Jesus’ life, but it was the darkest moment in history.
But death was not the end of the story.
At that moment, I was reminded that Jesus is always with me, and the same power that brought new life out of the cross is still at work in me. I began to feel hope, the type of confidence that gives you courage amid uncertainty leading you to believe that no matter what happens, God’s presence and love will remain.
As I've reflected on Jesus’ death and resurrection this Easter, I've continued returning to this picture and moment from Max’s birth. It was an Easter moment.
Easter is the reminder that God is always working to bring new life out of every circumstance. That the worst things in life are never the last things. Because of Jesus’ resurrection, God’s grace always gets the final word — not fear, not darkness, not hopelessness, not isolation, not anything.
In one of Jesus’ final moments with his disciples, he offers these words to bring them comfort for the dark days ahead:
“Very truly, I tell you, you will weep and mourn...you will have pain, but your sorrow will turn into joy. When a woman is in labor, she has pain, because her hour has come. But when her child is born, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy of having brought about a new life. So you have pain now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” (John 16:20-22)
There have been multiple days since Max’s birth that I have felt anxious and overwhelmed. I have come back to this moment time and again amid the chaos. It has served as an affirmation that Easter is not just one Sunday a year, but is the abiding reality that God is making all things new, even when the world seems its darkest.
If God can bring life from death, God can bring new life out of whatever situation you are facing.
Rev. Joy Gonzalez is the campus pastor of Uptown Church, HPUMC’s newest campus launching in the fall of 2020.