Why can’t you just eat?

When I was sixteen, this was the constant plea from my family and friends. It was a question I couldn’t answer, nor was I aware that anything was wrong. All I knew was that as long as I exercised vigorously every day and did not eat, I was controlling my out-of-control high school life.

What was the big deal?

My friends were dieting, so I went along. My life was full of the stress and anxiety that many teenagers feel for many different reasons. Controlling my intake of food and exercising to the extreme helped my anxiety – or at least that’s what I believed. In reality, I was emotional, irritable, and angry. I began to withdraw from my family and friends. I was lonely and scared. I was hungry.

Even as I experienced excessive weight loss, chest pains, fatigue and low energy, dizziness and shortness of breath, unbearable stomachaches and nausea, I remained driven and focused. It was not until my situation became life-threatening that I realized I had a real problem.

My parents took me from doctor to doctor, trying to figure out what was wrong with me, but there were no answers. In the 1970s, my condition was not talked about much, so there wasn’t a lot of research to explain what I was going through.

By then, I was severely malnourished and my life was in jeopardy. At last, one doctor realized what was happening, and gave my illness a name: I had an Eating Disorder.

Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint

I was immediately admitted into Johns Hopkins, one of the country’s finest hospitals, where I was stabilized and they helped me gain weight. But I had no idea that gaining enough weight to be discharged from the hospital was only the beginning of my recovery journey.

For me, meals meant tears and screaming. I was extremely depressed and frustrated at the endless doctor visits and checkups. I didn’t realize how long recovery would take. I didn’t know it was a marathon, not a sprint. My days were filled with taking steps back instead of moving forward toward recovery. Ultimately, I missed my entire senior year of high school.

Winning requires support from family and friends

Through it all, my loving family never left my side. Eating disorders can take a tremendous toll on a family. To defeat it, every family member - mom, dad and siblings - have to drop what they are doing and go into battle if you want to win. That is what my family did for me.

Slowly, I came to understand how much they believed in me. I could never have become the healthy, stable person I am today without them. They saved my life.

Today I use the lessons I learned during the many years I fought to be free from my eating disorder to help others who are now in the midst of their own fight. I remind them that even though recovery is long and hard, it’s a battle you have to fight every single day. But recovery is possible.

You can get well. No matter what your circumstances, there is hope.

It’s time to bring eating disorders into the open

Statistics show one out of every twenty people will have an eating disorder in their life. One person dies every 60 minutes from an eating disorder. We just don’t like to talk about it, but keeping it a secret is what keeps people sick. It is past time to shine a light on eating disorders. Our children, family and friends deserve our help and our support to recover.

Four things you should understand about eating disorders

1. People who have an eating disorder are not defined by it. An eating disorder is smart, manipulative and strong. It takes over both body and mind without notice and without the person noticing. It tells you what to wear, where to go, who your friends can be, what you can and cannot do… and you listen. It tells you that “You don’t need anyone or anything but me.” It’s as though you are under some horrible spell that you can’t break - and don’t want to.
2. People who have eating disorders did not cause them, and they are not bad people for having one. Would you call someone bad for having depression, cancer or diabetes? Eating disorders are a serious illness, boasting the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses. While we all struggle with feelings about food and body image, some people are just more susceptible to eating disorders than others.
3. Eating disorders have a mind of their own. Try to imagine what it might be like to have another person speaking to you 24/7: that’s what it’s like for someone with an eating disorder. One of the things that happens in recovery is learning to untangle your thoughts from the thoughts of your eating disorder. Think of it like a ball of yarn, with two different colors of threads mixed together throughout: your thoughts are all tied up with eating disorder thoughts. Untangling them takes the support of family and friends, and the help of professionals. No one should try to fight an eating disorder alone.
4. Recovery is possible. Again, reaching out for help is so hard, but it is the first step. It will be scary and intimidating, but that’s just the eating disorder talking. Once you make the call or tell the right person, resources become available to you that you never knew existed! I’ll say it again: “You can’t fight this battle alone.”

There is help.

There is strength in community. That’s one of the greatest things I’ve learned from serving as a Congregational Care Minister at Highland Park United Methodist Church. God has called me to use my experience of recovery to help others, which is why I am passionate about sharing my story and educating others. If you know someone who is struggling with an eating disorder and have questions about what to do, we encourage you to email HPUMC’s Congregational Care team at care@hpumc.org.

Also, there is a wonderful nonprofit in Dallas called The Elisa Project. Their mission is to fight against eating disorders. They educate young people, parents, medical professionals, churches, and youth groups about the disease. They have invaluable information on how to get help. You can reach The Elisa Project at 866-837-1999 or 214-369-5222.

How many people do you know who have an eating disorder?

You do know someone who is walking through this: maybe that person is you. Please know that you are not alone and there is hope. It takes just one courageous step to let someone know you’re struggling.

Whether you struggle with an eating disorder or not, be kind to yourself. You are a person with infinite strength and value. Don’t ever forget that! Don’t let your mind punish your body. If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend, don’t say it to yourself.