When I was three years old, I came across my mother’s lipstick. It was a shiny tube of fancy lipstick that was clearly enticing for a young child. Dark shades of brown were all the rage back in the 70’s apparently. I watched my mother put on that lipstick every morning. It was such a simple ritual that she probably thought nothing about leaving that lipstick tube out on the bathroom counter. That is until the day she regretted it.

I had watched her put that lipstick on many times, and the temptation was just too great for me not to try it on my own. I’ve heard it said that, whatever your children see you do in moderation, they will do in excess.

My mom walked in to find me completely covered head to toe in brown lipstick. What. A. Mess.

A love of lipstick was not the only thing I picked up from my parents. I also watched my dad use tobacco. Imagine a similar scenario - a 5 year old getting into a can of Skoal. YIKES! That’s another fun story that I won't get into right now, but it brings up a good point that we need to keep in mind as parents, grandparents, or aunts and uncles.

You are under surveillance.

Do not be fooled. Your children are watching every move you make. You may tell them one thing, but they will do what you do, not what you say.

It might feel a little intimidating when you realize that you are under constant surveillance by your children. But if you’re willing to change your perspective just a little, there’s also a big opportunity here for us. Because our kids are watching everything we do, what would happen if we were intentional about how we modeled our values? Instead of telling our kids about what is right and wrong, what if we lived it out in plain view for them to see?

Practically, there are three ways you can begin to live this out with your family:

First, evaluate your values.

What values do you wish to instill in your children? Do you hope your children will be kind? Compassionate? Generous? Honest? Faithful? Make a list of values that you hope your children will learn.

Consider what actions your children see you taking to support these values.

If a camera followed you around all day, what would your actions show that you value? Often times we say we value one thing, but our actions say something quite different. Remember, children will do what you do, not what you say.

Finally, perfection isn’t real. Make sure you show them the outtakes!

Even in our great efforts to get it right, we WILL mess up. In all likelihood, we will mess up nearly every day. Make sure you share the behind-the-scenes footage, too. When we only show our children the edited version of what we want them to see, we inadvertently give them unrealistic expectations. Let's get real and show them what it looks like to fail, to get back up, and to ask for forgiveness when necessary.

Remember, we are being watched 24/7, and that means we have the ability to be the greatest influencer of our children and their values. It starts with us! Let’s make sure we’re giving our children an example worth following.