My husband and I stood, looking and feeling absolutely forlorn, in front of the baggage carousel at London’s Heathrow Airport as we waited to collect our one small, jointly-packed suitcase arriving from Edinburgh, Scotland.

Just a few days earlier, we had landed there on our way to the University of St. Andrews with our daughter who was brimming with excitement and ready to begin living her dream of attending college abroad, and six enormous trunks laden with everything a young woman needs for her first year at university. On this morning as we said our farewells and kissed her goodbye in front of her stunning medieval dorm (one that we were certain rivaled Harry Potter’s quarters), her eyes began to puddle with tears and her voice quiver with uncertainty. So we forced broad smiles and while reassuring her that she was going to “LOVE it here!”

A moment later we drove away waving and still smiling, but as soon as she was out of sight, my husband and I both burst into tears. Those tears never subsided during the one-hour drive to catch our flight back to London. And now I found myself back at Heathrow, waiting for our one lonely suitcase, and feeling that my life was as empty as it had been full the day before.

Standing next to us in the terminal was a group of six lively women who appeared to be in their sixties. Judging from their conversation, they had been having the time of their lives touring many famous gardens in England. What struck me in that moment was realizing that they had all done what my husband and I had just done. They too had left their precious children at college, only to return home to a different life – an empty nest (or in our case, a half-empty nest) and they had survived!

It may sound dramatic, but in that moment, I had such a profound sense of respect for these steel magnolias, and for all mothers and fathers who have done the same. I watched them with hope, wondering, “Will my life - our life - ever be as confident and happy as theirs seems when our nest is empty?”

Thankfully, the answer to that question for us has been yes.

What we’ve learned about surviving an empty nest

When it comes to surviving the empty nest, my husband and I have learned a few things over the years: some by accident, some by trial, and some by intention. I hope they may be helpful to you when you find yourself navigating this new phase of life.

One thing we found surprising is that the pre-emptying of the nest to go to college was actually harder emotionally than the day we realized no one would be coming back to our home from college again. From the moment God graces us with the gift of a child, we parents pour everything into ensuring that we are raising (while not perfect) really decent, responsible, and independent human beings. And if we’ve done our job right, most of our life will have been dedicated to the singular task of helping them develop their wings. So when we finally see them fly off, it’s only natural to feel as if we’ve put ourselves out of a job (the most important and rewarding job, by the way) and to grieve that loss. I’m embarrassed to admit that I cried for two weeks when the first child left for college.

Allow yourself time to grieve their leaving

It’s unavoidable. You WILL grieve their leaving, so it’s important to allow yourself time to do so. It’s also likely that either you or your spouse will have a harder time adjusting, so be patient with one another as you not only grieve their leaving, but the loss of having all of their friends hanging out in your home as well. Expect your family dynamic to change when one of your children is no longer a regular guest at the dinner table. I never realized just how much my daughter and I carried most conversations during family meals until we came home from Scotland, sat down to dinner and I asked, “How was your day?” When the answers “fine” and “good” came back from my son and husband, followed by a long silence, I knew we had some work to do!

Some people have asked how we prepared for our empty nest. Several things happened: some planned, and some out of God’s grace, that helped pave the way for us.

Purposefully fill the new gaps on your calendar

I was fortunate that my position at the church had been part-time when our children were younger. Just as our last child graduated from high school, I was asked to come on staff full-time. Having something that kept my life busy and purposeful was a truly a Godsend. So begin thinking of how you might spend all of those hours currently allotted to sporting events, class parties, and PTA meetings.

Lean on, and learn from, your friends

More importantly, my husband and I have been part of a Sunday morning class at the church since we married. Many friends in our class happened to be in the same stage of life, or were just ahead of us on the empty nester road, allowing us to all learn from and support one another.

Keep date nights a priority

In addition, as a married couple, my husband and I have always been intentional about nurturing our relationship. During our 29 years of marriage, we never stopped dating, knowing that the time of carefully watching over the revolving door or our children’s social lives would end, and it would just be the two of us again. We wanted to ensure that, when that time came, we would still be married to our best friend.

Celebrate the new stage in your child’s life

One of the most significant means of preparing for our empty nest, however, came through the developmental lives of our children. Just as a woman begins pregnancy wondering how she will have the courage and strength to give birth, so too our children prepare us for empty nesting. By the time our children left for college, we knew it was time for them to go. We had done our job. They were prepared. They were ready to go, and we knew it was time. If our children are prepared for their next stage in life, whatever that may be, then it will be too uncomfortable for them, and for you, to stay where they are.

Just as we celebrate and find joy in each new stage in a child’s life - a new tooth, the first step, learning to ride a bike – there is much to celebrate in our adult children’s lives that make being an empty nester joyful.

Seeing their excitement over a new school, how engaging their professors and classes are, how much they love their new friends, or later, how rewarding their new job is, can bring us almost as much joy as it does them. There is also great joy to be found for us in our new stage of life, such as reconnecting with old friends, or doing less grocery shopping and laundry. One of the things I love most about this stage is answering my cell phone on my drive home from work to hear my husband’s voice asking, “Where can I buy you dinner tonight?”

A few weeks ago, my husband and I were flying home from a vacation with a group of six friends (who happen to have children the same ages as ours) and we found ourselves at the baggage carousel at London Heathrow airport. As I looked around at the group, lively and chatty, recounting the fun we had had together, I thought back to those steel magnolias I’d seen there so many years before and realized that all of us had found confidence and happiness in our empty nests. You can too!

Even as I write this story, my heart soared as I received an e-mail asking if I could help host a wedding shower for one of our daughter’s friends, and then a text from both of our children asking, “Do you want to feed us tonight?”

The good news, friends, is that as a parent you are never out of a job, and the nest is never really completely empty!