Everywhere I looked there were glowing pregnant women: at the grocery store, at the gym, at my workplace, walking through my neighborhood, and popping up on my Instagram feed several times a day.

Was I the only woman in the world who couldn’t get pregnant? It sure seemed like it.

After a year of trying to have a baby with no success, my husband and I began the process of fertility testing to determine why we were not able to conceive. Around the same time, I specifically remember finding out that not one, but three, of my friends were expecting!

I remember crying out to the Lord, asking, “Where are you?” I told him, frankly, that if I could just go one week without learning of another friend’s pregnancy, it would really do wonders for my aching heart.

I was utterly distressed, and I felt as though my God had abandoned me. Everyday I seemed to be beating my head against a wall, praying the same things over and over while nothing changed.

Until the day that it did. About 16 months into our journey, I finally got the positive result: I was pregnant. The joy was indescribable! Now I could celebrate with all of my friends and share in their joy while they joined in mine.

From joy to loneliness

But that joy was short-lived. During our 10-week sonogram, the doctor was unable to find a heartbeat. In one moment, all the joy I’d felt at the thought of finally becoming a mom crumbled. Words can never accurately convey the myriad of emotions a woman feels after losing a baby. The only ones that remotely come close are devastation, anger, frustration, despair, and isolation.

One of the most profound emotions during that time was loneliness. Even though I knew I wasn’t the only woman to have trouble getting pregnant or have a miscarriage, I felt totally alone. I learned that most women hesitate to open up about these particular struggles, as if there’s a stigma attached to infertility and miscarriage. People seem to view it as this dark, dirty secret that’s meant to be dealt with privately.

I can tell you now that if you are struggling with infertility and/or miscarriage, you aren’t meant to suffer alone. God doesn’t want you to suffer alone!

Finding help in an Invisible Sisterhood

After my miscarriage, I reached out to the one friend I knew who had experienced the same loss. While she comforted me and prayed for me, she also let me know about a small group that recently started at Highland Park United Methodist Church, called the Invisible Sisterhood. The group was specifically for women struggling with infertility, miscarriage and/or adoption loss.

At first, the idea of talking with a small group was a little intimidating. Typically, I am not what you would consider a “sharer,” but I figured I was at rock bottom with nothing to lose, so I decided I would at least attend one session. Today I can tell you that I am so thankful to the Lord for leading me to this wonderful group. I finally found women who understood and identified with the same journey I had been on for the last eighteen months. We were able to speak freely and candidly about our experiences, sadness, fears, and frustrations in a place where every person in the room knew those same feelings intimately.

Carrying one another’s burdens

Over the nine months I attended the Invisible Sisterhood, my feelings of loneliness slowly dissipated. The group truly exemplified Galatians 2:6 for me: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” The women I encountered there met me right in my place of need, giving me the spiritual and emotional support I so desperately needed. They helped me work through all the difficult emotions that came with my journey of infertility and miscarriage.

I was continually reminded of God’s promises and encouraged to take my eyes off of myself and fix them on the Lord. I realized that my crisis and my suffering was not a surprise to God, that it was not happening outside of His control. Rather, God intimately knew my suffering and, in fact, had suffered far more than I was at the moment. Because I knew how much God had suffered, I knew he could comfort me in my time of pain. I held tightly to verses like Joshua 1:5, where God promised that he would be with me and would never leave or forsake me.

I believe the Lord wants us to carry each other’s burdens and to lift each other up in times of pain. Psalm 133:1 says, “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity.” As the Body of Christ, we are meant to pray with and for each other, celebrate triumphs together, and provide encouragement and comfort through hardships. That’s what the Invisible Sisterhood gave me: women who prayed with and for me, who cried with me through my miscarriage and frustrations with infertility.

God wants to do the impossible for us

In December 2016, my husband and I both felt called by the Lord to step away from the doctors and fertility treatments. We needed an emotional break and wanted to attempt to put our struggles aside to enjoy the holiday season and celebrate our Savior’s birth at Christmas. We decided we would begin the IVF process after the New Year, but the Lord had plans I would never have imagined!

Shortly after the New Year, I was utterly shocked to see those two pink lines on a pregnancy test. I was pregnant.

That same morning, my daily devotional Jesus Calling, started with the following: “I am able to do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine.” I was so strongly convicted by this statement because I never thought conceiving naturally was a possibility for us. I wasn’t living out Jesus’s words in Luke 18:27 that said “what is impossible with man is possible with God.”

But through this entire journey God showed me time and again that He is in control, He is infinitely wiser than I will ever be, and his timing is perfect. Waiting on the Lord and trusting in the Lord have been painful lessons to learn but I would not trade them for anything.

For the first trimester of my pregnancy I can admit I was anxious and worried. Was the Lord going to take this precious gift from us too? But again, the women of the Invisible Sisterhood pointed me back to the Lord, specifically to Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” These incredible women prayed this prayer for me, encouraged me, and constantly reached out to me outside of the group meetings to check on me and the baby and to offer their support.

I have come to learn of my desperate need to surrender to the Lord, and I have surrendered this miracle baby to Him. We trust that no matter the outcome, the Lord will provide us with everything we need. We now anxiously await our sweet baby’s arrival in September of 2017 while constantly praising the Lord for this wonderful gift!

You don’t have to suffer alone

If you are suffering through infertility, miscarriage or adoption loss, I encourage you not to suffer alone. There are women who have walked in your shoes who are ready to walk alongside you, to comfort you, encourage you and support you. I’m now one of them, waiting to hear your story and help carry your burden at the Invisible Sisterhood.