I feel like I’m not good enough
Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
Recently, I underwent a significant job change. For most of my adult life, I have worked in ministry, specifically with small groups and Sunday morning classes. This fall, I felt the need to shift what I was doing.
I talked to folks on the leadership team, and through much prayer and discernment, I accepted a role working with Restoration Ministries (our domestic violence ministry), forming what will be our new addiction ministry.
During my first several months on the job, I have met with people who are in very dark and desperate places, who have been so hurt that it is a wonder that they can still function. I went to the Crimes Against Women Conference here in Dallas where I learned more about the horror and violence that affects so many women and children in our community and the world.
To be honest with you, there have been multiple times when I have felt overwhelmed just looking at the enormity of the issues that are addiction and domestic violence. In my darkest moments, I hear this voice of internal doubt that rises within me and asks, “Who are you to think you can help play a role in bringing healing to these hurts that are so big?”
These worries keep me up at night and I momentarily believe them. The problems of our world are large, and I am just one person. Then I am reminded of this quote from the Talmud: “It is not upon you to finish the work, but you are not free to ignore it.”
If I get caught up in the vastness of the issue, my limited abilities, and my ever-present fears, then it is easy to get overwhelmed and to make excuses or put off the good work I have before me.
When I look at God and read scripture, I see someone who calls everyone to be a part of the healing of our earth and our neighbors. I see disciples with many character flaws equipped by God. I see beautiful change and radical hospitality coming from the least likely of people.
I can surrender to fear and feelings of unworthiness, or I can do the work and be confident that God is love, that I am a part of that love, and that when we work together, amazing things can happen.
Part of the beauty of God is that people who are leaders in this movement we call Christianity don’t have to be the best, brightest or most self-confident. We just have to be willing and open. And I am willing and open to continue the work, in spite of myself, because of who God is and who God calls me to be in love.
Honest to God Sermon Series
It’s okay to ask questions. Yes, even the difficult ones about God and faith. In our current sermon series, “Honest to God,” Rev. Paul Rasmussen and Rev. Matt Tuggle answer some of the tough questions that we all have.